Linens-N-Things

I believe I'm speaking generally universally when I say that it's near impossible to go to sleep when you don't have at LEAST a sheet covering your body. Even when it's like 100 million degrees. It doesn't matter. That sheet is your protective barrier.

Why is this even a thing? It's not like I believe there're scary monsters lurking about in my room, ready to strike the instant a bare strip of my flesh is revealed.

Nice try, Grudge Boy. No way you can get under MY sheets.

And it's not like I'm even that afraid of the dark or something so typical as that (however, I still sprint up the stairs like the devil is chasing me after shutting all the downstairs lights off and I don't breathe until I'm back in a sufficiently well-lit area. But really I swear, not afraid).

No.

So what is my personal big issue with sleeping without a sheet then? I'll show you.

DUN DUN DUN!!!!!

That's right. INSECTS. I would have picked a real photo, but it was just too horrifying for me to do so.

Insects are actually the worst.

#1 They are bone-chillingly disgusting to look at. They aren't the cute little bugs depicted in the picture above, oh no. They've got like a million little eyes, 4-6 too many spindly legs (or even more. Millipedes are hands down THE most terrifying creature on the planet), an exoskeleton which freaks me out and makes a sound that gives me shivers when you crush it, and antennas or other sorts of feelers that can't wait to probe you.

#2 The way they move makes me want to die. The way they skittle about with their too many legs, or fly around your head to the point where you get so frustrated you're ready to douse yourself with DEET just to get them to go away, OR how spiders unexpectedly drop down in front of you when you're innocently reading a book in bed and you jump up so quickly that you get a charlie-horse. The WORST.

#3 They HURT. Insects are literally designed to cause us pain. They have stingers, are equipped with poison, or inflict bites that make you itch until your skin is raw.

To summarize: They suck.

Now where was I going with this rant? Oh yes. When I'm in bed at night, the slightest whisper of wind across my skin or a stray hair grazing my leg are those creepy-crawlies ready to devour me. But not when I have my sheet! My sheet creates an invisible forcefield that no insect can penetrate!

Should I work on this fear? Maybe. Fears get in the way of things, and I'm all about trying to self-improve. But until insects decide to improve themselves and not be so gross and scary and hurtful? Well. I'm not abandoning my sheet.